His and Her Health

Making Sex More Pleasurable

You’d think it would be natural for us – feeling pleasure. We certainly have little difficulty feeling pain! So why is it that sometimes it’s hard to feel pleasure when we make love? Sometimes, it can just be easier to go through the motions and then move on to the next thing on our list.
Well, there are a lot of reasons for this. And before we look at the psychological ones, let me say that if this is a problem for you on a regular basis, it would be a good idea to talk with your gynecologist about it, to be sure there isn’t a physiological issue interfering with your sex life. But, assuming that’s not the case, here are some other possibilities.

First of all, to feel pleasure we have to be open first. That is, we cannot be emotionally or physically tight, or constricted, or closed. Try it now – close your body up tight and then imagine trying to feel pleasure in this position. Now, do the opposite – open your body and relax. Take up more space and let yourself surrender to the moment. It is much easier to be receptive to pleasure in this state. But attaining this level of openness when making love is easier said than done. First of all, life can be challenging, and we close in response to that challenge - without even realizing it. Second, intimacy can be frightening, as much as we long for it. We leave ourselves vulnerable to being hurt when we let someone in. As a result, we can unconsciously close physically and emotionally in an attempt to protect ourselves from the love we crave.

Another reason we may not feel pleasure sexually is that we are not tuned into our body enough to be aware of pleasurable sensation. We spend so much time thinking and planning and organizing and staring at the computer screen, and so little time relaxing, lying in the sun, getting massages and doing yoga. As you can imagine, it can be hard to rapidly inhabit your body and feel pleasure in a sexual moment when you’ve been dwelling in your brain.

The good news is that there are some things you can do to counteract these processes. Try them, and let us know how they work for you!
• Take some alone time before making love to tune into your body. Take a hot bath, or do some stretches, or find a patch of sunshine to lie in. This will help you be less attached to your thoughts and more aware of physical sensations.
• Silently coach yourself with the word “open”. Do this throughout lovemaking if you need to. You can help to counteract your unconscious tendency to physically or emotionally tighten with this simple word.
• As for help. Tell your partner you want to learn to relax more while making love, and ask him to sexily whisper reminders in your ear like “let go baby”, or “let me in sweetheart”, or whatever feels comfortable to you.
• Keep your eyes open, and make eye contact. This helps you feel your partner and tune into your experience rather getting lost in your head.

Sex can be more pleasurable if both parties actively make an effort to gain better control of their PC/BC muscles.sensual-health.com/]Kegel exercises[/url] can help this process tremendously.

Ladies this post got a lot of views, but few comments. It's clearly a very important issue, and many women struggle with it. In my sex therapy practice I work with women every day who are attempting to make sex more pleasurable. I invite you to contribute to this discussion. Please tell us what helps you make sex more pleasurable. Your good idea may be very helpful to another woman. Or, if nothing seems to help, let's talk about that.

After reading what my husband (spidersnake) has written on another post, and me not finding this fact out until reading it on here, my head is all over the place.
i really dont know if he loves me. he hardly ever talks to me unless i bug him so much he gives in, he prefers to be watching a movie or playing on his phone. the only physical contact i really have with him is in bed, he'l be sat on the chair and me on the sofa. and lately he doesn't seem to want to cuddle me in bed and is finding it harder and harder to become hard and to cum during sex.
god i know im not that pretty and im real lucky to be with this guy, but everything seems to be pointing to him not loving me anymore. my heads just so fucked up. i asked him why he didn't tell me and that i had to read it to find out and his answer was, i didn't want to hurt you. i can't cope.

Dear Vannessangelia, I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Please call a therapist today so that you can get some help and support.

So sorry to hear about your pain... Kegel method can help. It's a form of exercise to condition your pelvic muscles. Try to flex, contract, and move the muscles you sue when urinating. You can even do it while sitting down on your office desk.

true...agree with jadamson !

hello....................................................................
friends,i am always give answers
Well, sex can be pleasureable when both the partners do it freely and weather and place plays a major role for pleasurable sex.