Warming up for sex
Making Sex More Exciting with a Pre-Game Warm Up
It’s football season again. Does this mean that your man is more focused on the game than you? Hopefully not, not even if it’s THE big game of the year. But even if he’s ready and willing to make love, your sexual arousal can still seem mysterious and obscure at times. Sometimes our bodies just can’t rev up, and foreplay feels like a lost cause.
Interestingly, however, research demonstrates that women often do not realize when their bodies are aroused. That is, it is not uncommon for a woman to think her body is not responding, when in fact she is well-lubricated! This is believed to be the case because women rely more on their hearts and their minds as a gauge of arousal in contrast to men who have a very obvious physical barometer of sexual arousal right in front of them. So a woman may start to question her level of arousal since she can’t “see” it, which makes her feel less aroused, and a vicious cycle starts.
Arousal concerns are common in women, and they tend to increase with age. That’s because a woman’s physiological response to sex is related to her estrogen level, and this hormone naturally declines during menopause. What can you do if you need some help in the arousal department? First, have your hormone levels checked. If your estrogen level is low, you may benefit from a localized estrogen, such as a cream applied directly to the vulva. Other things you can do to help your body “get in the mood” include:
• Exercise. Regular aerobic activity, including exercising just before sex, helps some women feel more turned on. Aerobics increase blood flow throughout the body, including the genitals. The more that blood flows through your genitals, the more aroused you will feel, and the stronger your orgasms will be.
• Replace your fiction novel with erotica. Sometimes your great fiction book will include erotic scenes, but why not make the most of your reading time by reading erotic literature? You can find a vast selection of erotica at your local bookstore – sexy stories written by women, for women. Take some alone time before making love to read a few pages. This can help prepare and open your body and your mind for what’s ahead. Remember, even if your mind isn’t turned on by what you read, your body probably is!
• Strike a pose. Yoga poses can help our bodies open and prepare for pleasure. Any hip opener will do. For example, lay on your back with your knees apart and the bottoms of your feet together. Tune into the sensation of your pelvis open and ready to receive. Breathe deeply and focus on the pleasure available to you in this posture.
• Pleasure yourself first. Before you join your partner, take a few minutes and massage yourself. Take a hot bath, or go to a quiet part of the house and lay in the sun. Light, tender self-massage can help you leave the demands of life behind, and tune into physical sensation, making you more receptive and ready for your partner’s touch.
You will find if you take responsibility to jump-start your arousal, you increase your satisfaction when connecting with your partner. It makes for responsible love-making, because it really isn’t entirely your partner’s responsibility to turn you on. Doing your part will help take both of you deeper into a more passionate sexual experience. Try it and see, and let us know what you think!
Marianne Brandon PhD,
Clinical Psychologist and Sex Therapist
Author, Monogamy: The Untold Story; co-author Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys for Finding Your Lost Libido.
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