Has anybody any advise for me on the way to use the Aneros Prostate Massager correctly? I have had this aide for about a year and have never had any positive results with it. I know that some posters have had great results - what am I doing wrong? :confused:
Our Moderator is correct about the website. Just do a search on "Aneros" or "Aneros Prostate Massager" and it should be one of the very first ones.
I haven't yet purchased one, but I will as soon as I can afford to. That's OK though because I'm familiar with "prostate play/massage" as I've been married to a wonderful woman for over 30 years now. She's very willing to fulfill my desires in the bedroom as much as I am hers.
One thing about that site, well maybe a few... it isn't the most user friendly to navigate. At least it wasn't for me because it is very busy on the eyes.
Another is that since each and every person who uses it with success seems to have to make some sort of personal adjustment to the basic or main instructions. In other words, every guy is different, so there are "one size fits all" type of directions. And you will find in the forums/discussion section that most guys do tell exactly how or what it took in order for the Aneros to work for them. So don't get confused with so many variations and take your time with just ONE way at a time.
Last, what everyone at that site and me has found to be the MOST important part of having success is to make darn sure that you are RELAXED before you even begin. If need be, take a relaxing bath or shower (the other benefit to this is being able to wash 'everywhere' too) or if meditation or breathing techniques relaxes you, do that. Whatever it takes, I guess. THEN, once you begin, remember the number one rule: Never try to hurry or rush the Aneros to start working! It seems that 9 times out of 10, once the guy stops forcing or 'pushing' the good feelings they think they feel it WILL continue to grow or build higher and higher. If forced, it all comes to an abrupt halt and that isn't what anyone wants.
Good luck and I know that with patience (I know it's already been a year, but that isn't uncommon) you will be very happy you kept trying.
<small>[ 06-14-2009, 11:53 AM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>
1. Take your time. Do things as slow as possible.
2. Insertion, Again, as slow as possible. I do this on my back with knees bent and in air. Take 5-10 minutes to get it in, concentrating on exactly what it feels like.
3. After insertion (which sometimes causes the first O if done slow enough), keep knees bent and in air as long as possible.
4. For me, over the course of 10-15 minutes or so, I'll have several full body O's in this position. Do not touch Mr. Happy
5. When you literally can't take it anymore, when you're riding the crest of sensations upward, slowly put your feet down on the bed, and gradually straighten them out. This, for me, usually causes an O so severe I shake, sweat, groan, and nearly pass out from pleasure
6. Try not to thing about it from this point forward, and almost let your unconscious mind tell you what to do. For me, several full body O's happen within the next several minutes
7. When I really, really can't take it anymore, Mr. Happy gets his turn, and full ejaculation ultimately happens. Use as little pressure as possible on him for maximum effect. If you do it right, it's more internal/prostate centered than the more conventional sensations.
8. Sometimes rather than forcing sensations, I almost try to ignore them, or even fight them. I think that heightens the feelings ultimately, as a positive sensation feedback cycle eventually starts that you will be hard pressed to ignore
9. In terms of total extreme positive feelings, it's probably 3-5 times as anything I've ever experienced, and I'm in my mid 40s and have been married for a long time. Been around the block a few times previously, too.
10. Total time usually 30 minutes or less. Completely wiped out in a good way afterward
11. I've found out it's increased my libido quite a bit in general, and it was pretty high to start with.
12. Hopefully, this is all healthy for Mr. Prostate as well...
One other suggestion... try a different model if the one you have isn't working. For me, the Helix was the easiest to get to "work" properly. Could be that using more than one model in some sense woke up or trained larger numbers of pathways. A little variation is usually a good thing.
I have a question about toys like this. I have thought about trying one of these. I am not sure how my wife would feel about it. Honestly, I had always thought that only gay men used anal toys. I have noticed over the years that when I get the annual prostate exam there is a spot that gives me pleasure. This had bothered me since I thought only gays engaged in inserting objects. Please dont think I am antigay. I asked my doctor about the pleasurable sensations, he said they were normal. Nearly all men have pleasure when touched there. The fact is most men equate that with homosexuality. I wasnt aware prostate massage is used to treat infections or blockages.
Getting back to my question; how did you guys approach your wives about it? Were they receptive to it or was it a turn off and rejection? I have been married for over thirty years. I never thought I could be so reluctant to something with my wife. Please offer some advice.
Unfortunately, I can completely relate to your thoughts about letting the wife know. I have the same issue. I would love to incorporate this into husband/wife activities, but there is no way she would agree. At least for now. So, sadly, aneros sessions, for me, are done in private. That's just the reality for me. I'm trying to move things to a more healthy "this is OK and not perverted" mode, but even after 20 years of marriage, it's a slow process. Short of intensive therapy, I think this is just how things are for me.
I hate hiding things like this, but as a typical man I have sexual needs that need to be met, and I prefer hiding aneros use to having a fling/affair and disrupting the family/children that I have. The family is ultimately more important.
I'm working on getting my wife to be more open to sexual expression that isn't simply "what's the minimum I can do to get you there" every now and then. As I write this, this all seems a bit strange. I'm sure her upbringing is a big part of the issue. And I know sex/relationship therapy could be a cure, but she doesn't think there is a problem. Perhaps it needs to be a crisis before she agrees there is a problem?
I'm trying to resolve this issue for us in healthy ways, but it's too early to tell if I'll be successful.
This is a really hard thing to deal with, and I am, as people tell me, a great dad, father, husband, family man, etc.
Bottom line, since I haven't been able to share this with my own wife so far, I don't think I can help here. Perhaps others will chime in with more dispassionate advice.
By the way, I'm about as far as a gay man as you can get... I love women in almost every way. I'm also not homophobic... I have lots of gay and lesbian friends, and don't have a problem with that at all. We are all wired differently.
Regular, jokingly I think we are married to sisters. The needs thing is important to me too. I also dont wish to hide things from my wife. I wouldnt be afraid to ask if I hadnt received some of the many responses (reactions) to some of the new things I want to try in the bedroom. I think it is true, boredom in the bedroom leads to other problems. Infidelity wouldnt do it for me either, guilt would destroy me. I guess I 'll just have to try aneros on my own after I buy one. I'll see how it works and then build up the guts to ask her. I just know how she reacted to my urologist giving me an erection band ( to keep it hard). Time will tell
I think that your comments regarding telling our wives about Prostate Massage (using the aneros) is a problem. I am exactly like 'victorinocks' and 'A regular Dude' - I have to use the Aneros in private. Although in my case it has never worked - maybe 'pilot error' so I do not use it too often. I have been married for thirty five years next month and my wife is a regular sex machine in bed. I have no complaints, I just needed that other 'something' in my sex life. If I get a breakthrough and I get my wife interested in the use of the Aneros I will post the method I used!!!
Ron, That is my point; getting the wife to undertstand that trying new things is okay. hey, just because we are guys it doesnt mean the same things turn us on now like they did 30 years ago. One thing for sure, I need something different and new. For me, I need to get my wife to understand that I am not trying to perform anal sex on her. That is taboo in our marriage and she wants nothing to do with it. Second, the aneros is a toy; another taboo. I have ED often and am using cialis. I am trying to find other creative ways to get aroused and stay aroused. Maybe aneros will work, maybe it wont. But at least I have an open mind
Hi 'Victorinocks' I fully understand the situation. We do not do anal or anything else that might be 'frowned on'! We are just 'normal' regular people - similar to couples that you know and we know. I mentioned to my wife one day that a friend of mine was buying a 'Prostate Massager' and that I might get one. 'What is it for' she asked so I told her in detail and shre just said 'if it is what you want, go ahead' so I did. Complete waste of money if you ask me but there it is. We do all the things we have always done bearing in mind that as I mentioned, we have been married thirty five years. I have a little bit of high Blood Pressure and my tablets cause some ED. I use Cialis occasionally - good for two days!
Ron, one of the ironic things about my situation is my urologist suggested that my wife and I try new things. You know, something to spice it up. My urologist is a woman. When I told my wife what the doctor suggested she had a suggestion for the urologist. Seriously, may be this whole thing of ED and new variations of arousal are natures way of telling us we are getting old. I certainly hope not. But I do think that lack of desire could be attributed to boredom in the bedroom. It is difficult to be aroused when what used to turn you on and what you what you would like to try is frowned upon. Just my opinion
Well, 'victorinocks'I must be one luck fella, we still have a great sex life - not as you say like it used to be but a regular great sex life. My wife likes to try various things that please her and she does whatever pleases me. I am almost sixty five so another thirty five years of this should keep us both happy!!!
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