Things got so bad, I went for a hormone test two weeks ago. I still have not heard back from the hospital/doctor yet. I have a gf and things are rocky.
Basically, I have never really had pleasure from masturbation (except the orgasm), or sex (except the orgasm, which are slightly better than masturbation orgasms), which I just started to have about 3 months ago. My gf had a baby 4 months before I met her. If I concentrate on the opening of her vagina, I can at least feel something (actually inside, it seems frictionless and sensationless), but as for pleasure, no. I have managed to orgasm in her maybe 3 times, but leading up to it, I felt nothing, except like I was jogging or doing press-ups. [offtopic: I broke my frenulum slightly on one occassion.]
I've precummed holding her hand, kissing, sitting with her, dryhumping, etc, but have also lost erections just before going inside. The first time, I didn't have any CONSCIOUS anxiety and worries AFAIK, but thereafter, yes. I've learned about male hotspots, and none of them are hot to me.
I even thought: I've heard so much about prostate stimulation, thinking this was my last resort for constant pleasure during sex. I gloved up and think I touched it today, but it was rubbish. It did nothing really.
Mentally, I am screwed. Depressed, Obsessive thoughts, confusion. I wonder if men are supposed to enjoy sex or the orgasm. I wonder if only women are supposed to enjoy all of it? I wonder if I am bi/gay/asexual obsessively. I would almost prefer to be SOMETHING rather than nothing. At least it would be a resolution. But Im just depressed and want to sleep or not do anything.
Are some people just desexualized? I wanna stay with my gf, but this is pissing us off, and TBH, its added stress trying to keep her happy and "fix" me, so if she needs to go, then at least she will be better off, and I could focus on me more, or just sleep more.
Sometimes after a child the "snugness " just isn't there anymore. After my post-vas problem the closest I came to a real ejaculation was my wife masturbating me. Intercourse for me feels good for the "closeness" but for sexual stimulation it ranks 3rd. It's worth a try. If it works and it turns out that it is a "snugness" issue she can try Kegal excercises these are supposed to be very helpful. Ask her to contract her pelvic muscles next time you are having intercourse. She won't be able to hold it to the end but you will be able to tell if your sensation changes and then take it from there
Just a word for the other side. This lazy girl of yours just had a baby recently. On top of the fatigue of caring for a demanding infant, the hormones in her body make her distracted and forgetful. I remember calling it "mom brain." I couldn't remember anything.
Having a baby does a number on a woman's body. She may NEVER be as tight again and would be really unfortunate to make her feel bad about something she can't help.
She should be doing kegels though - that will help both of you.
But it sounds like your problem isn't directly related to her lack of tightness. You say you've never had pleasurable sensations. You should read the thread here about ejaculation without orgasm.
As for getting more sensation during sex with you gf, try different positions. Doggie, her on top, face to face with her feet over your shoulders. Different positions give different sensations. One good one is to have her lie face down and you enter her from the rear, thrusting down towards the bed. That way you can press against her pubic bone for extra pressure. A pillow under her hips might make it more comfortable for her. I personally love this position as it gives great g-spot contact.
Thanks eva_m. I know this sounds a little bad, but to be honest, she gets pleasure. She's not the freak. I'm the one that needs more out of this.
Yes, I didn't mean to suggest that her vagina muscles were any part of this, although the fact that she has a baby does play on my mind, like: "would it only be 80% as bad as it is NOW, if she hadn't had a baby?" But no, the problem is my insensitive penis. I will read the thread although its not technically what Im suffering with.
I had to sign up on this board just to talk to you! You are so not alone.
You need to know that the women in porn are ACTING! They are not having all the fun they seem to be. Even us wives have to do a bit of acting from time to time.
Did you get results back from your hormone tests? I know that a testosterone prescription can do wonders in the desire area.
I have had 3 babies, and I don't think I was snug for at least a year after each one. And I didn't care to do kegels for quite some time after birth. But now I think I'm in great shape down there.
None of your thoughts or experiences mean you are gay. But I can totally understand the thought process. LOTS of men (and women) go through similar struggles.You can definitely have the dream life with a wife and children. It can all work out. It has for my husband. We've been married for many years and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Go to that website at Living Hope. You'll get all the support you can want from people going through the same issues.
<small>[ 12-20-2008, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>
I think a urologist? sexologist? is a good move, but every time I go to the doctor to be forwarded to one, I just get some wishywashy advice and some test that doesn't clear anything up. My testosterone test came back average, but I can bearly believe that. My libido is LOW, but CRASHES when I think of how my life is.
Thanks for your info, even the bit about female pornstars. Another of my hangups is that women enjoy sex more and being male makes me less able to enjoy it (Gspot, orgasms, submissiveness, relaxation, no pressure to perform, etc), it's as if you knew what to say. Even so, I don't enjoy sex even as much as other men.
I just dunno what to do.
A big help to all this would be more pleasure/sensitivity in the head of my penis, and the shaft too, but hey, first things first.
Also, while balancing this, I lose momentum during sex, and then begins fear of the next time I have sex, and it all spirals. My libido has never been high. I could just be asexual-somewhat. ??
I google this topic, and the replies are all aimed at women! Im so depressed!
Any further advice? I'm going the Chinese medicine root at the moment (from tomorrow).
Today I cried at work and had so much anxiety from it all. I had to call a psychiatrist and I can barely stand being awake. I just want penile pleasure during masturbation/sex. Or then all I have to look forward to is working, commuting, then getting cancer and dying.
Hi. I have the same problem. only that no pleasure at all. my wife masturabates me, gives oral sex. though i can feel her hand or mouth, just no pleasure. no pleasure in hugging,kissing as well. during intercourse, i feel her vagina covering my penis. but i dont think that is pleasure. even masturbation is not giving me any pleasure. i ejaculate normally. if my wife licks my nipples alone i feel some kind of pleasure. but defintely no sexual excitement in my body. i love women and not a gay. i dont drink and doen smoke. only thing is i masturbate atleast once a day from very early age. any suggetsions.
Yeah, I know how you feel as well. I've not had any sexual sensation for as long as I can remember, and my libido spontaneously crashed when I was 15. I've never had a girlfriend, and for various reasons I can't imagine I ever will. I've been to doctors over the years, and they've never found anything wrong. I'm 20 now, and with no hope in sight, to say I'm depressed is an understatement. I can empathize with having nothing to look forward to any more. It's a strange feeling, like you're half dead already, just waiting to plant the other foot in the grave. So as you can see, I unfortunately have nothing uplifting to say, but knowing others languish as you do can be encouraging in itself. Misery, after all, loves company.
The most important thing to do is wait until you get your hormone levels back. If the testosterone is low, that could be one reason for your problem. If that's the case, it can be treated with Testosterone replacement. See what the results are and let the board know what the hormone test results are.
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