His and Her Health

Wow thank you for your post and your very honest description of what’s happening. There is so much I could respond to but I’m going to focus on a few major points. First of all, I am sorry that you are taking your boyfriend’s sexual response so personally. It sounds like you two have a solid loving relationship and that his sexuality has grown tremendously this past year - and you’ve played a huge role in that. You sound like a creative and giving sex partner. Rather than feel “worthless”, it seems that you should be feeling proud of yourself! Please think about that. Also, everyone’s sexual response is different. So do your best not to compare your current sexual relationship to past encounters. Each relationship develops its own textures based on the unique characteristics of each partner. So, your boyfriend may simply not be a very sexual man, or find orgasms an important part of his sexual experience, which can have nothing to do with you. And he may be right, that he can’t easily mimic during sex the sensations he has grown accustomed to while masturbating. However, at the same time, the fact that he has feared sex means to me that he may find talking to a counselor helpful. Sorting his fears out together (or him alone) may enhance your intimate connection over time.

Thanks for your support on this very delicate subject. You do make some good points. I will try my best to continue to be patient and not take things to personal as I always seem to do.

Oh yes, I wanted to also mention that my boyfriend also has a hernia. I was wondering if that could be part of the problem? Can having sex cause him problems with his hernia?
Thanks in advance.

I would doubt it because he can orgasm on his own. HOWEVER, this is a fabulous reason to suggest he see someone and get some help. You could start with a sex therapist - on www.aasect.org you can find a sex therapist in your area. Or start with a urologist. Ultimately it would be great if he was willing to be evaluated by both.