His and Her Health

Hi,
Just hoping I'm not the only one that's been/is in the position,

I have been with my partner for 3 years we have 17month old son together, we used to enjoy a very active sex life but, just after we found out my partner was pregnant she didn't wont to go near me, since our son has been born we don't sleep in the same bed any more, she is very cold and distance 90% of the time, She keeps insisting she loves me and that she hopes things will get back on track but, i fail to see if we don't even sleep in the same bed any more how are we supposed to get back to having sex let alone move forward in the relationship.

someone help!!

many thanks for reading

Has your wife has a check-up recently by her Ob/Gyn?. After having a baby the woman's hormones are all over the place. She may be just too tired after caring for a baby all day to respond romantically to you. Have you tried helping with some of the housework or giving her some free time to relax herself. Have you asked her why she is avoiding you sexually.

Hi,

thanks for you post, she has been for a check up with GP all good there, have sat her down and talked about she just says she doesnt have that feeling anymore to have it, do try my best to take extra work load off her at home and make sure she can go out and see friends whilst i look after or son in the evenings and at weekends, during the week i'm up at 5.30 for work and back about 7pm so dont get to see her much myself or spend too much time with our son, so guess its just a case of making her feel more relaxed and doing chores and things as much as possible myself to help take some pressure off her. I have had some other dads says the same sort of thing when we've been to baby meets etc, just nice to know that its not something i've done or not done i guess.

As you are realizing, this problem is not uncommon. Women’s sex drive tends to ebb and flow naturally. It is common for women to lose interest in sex for up to a year after the birth of a baby, during menopause, or at other major life transitions. However, it sounds like your wife has been uninterested in sex for over 2 years. The moderator’s suggestions of having her check with her doctor about hormone levels is a great idea. I know you said your wife did that already. But perhaps you can request another consult and be in the room so the three of you can talk about it? My concern is that if you let this drop, it will continue to affect you and perhaps even become more uncomfortable for you with time.

Libido is a very complex drive. Sex drive is influenced by emotional and physical health, as well as the quality of your intimate connection. However, it also seems to be very sensitive to evolutionary predispositions and sometimes women lose their desire for sex after having children, and never really regain an interest. In addition, because most mammals are not naturally monogamous, that same woman might feel desire again if she had access to a new partner – this is why some women regain a sex drive after they separate and start dating again. I am NOT saying this to suggest that there is no hope for your wife’s libido, or that monogamy will not work for her. Please do not misunderstand my message. Instead, I am explaining some of the issues so that you can better understand some of the potential contributors to your situation. My experience with the patients in my private practice is that the more they understand the possible contributors to their intimacy problems, the better equipped they are to work toward healing. I have written books about both the topic of low libido in women (Reclaiming Desire: 4 keys for Finding Your Lost Libido) as well as the monogamy issue (Monogamy: the Untold Story). Both books have lots of exercises and advice for working with these issues. You might find them helpful. Take care, I know this is an uncomfortable situation for you both.

Some will get over it by themselves, and a lot more can be helped by expert medical or psychosexual advice. Others do not really want to get back into the world of rampaging sexual desire and are quite happy to lead lives which are untroubled by lust.

My advice is think first about the causes might be. Common causes of having a low sex drive is stress, tiredness, poor self-image, medication, unresolved, problems, past traumas or upbringing. Also, help your partner to have a healthy and happy sex life. Keep in mind that both of you must responsible and careful with your health.

She could be experiencing hormonal imbalance, women go through post-partum depression and this could be one of the causes of lack of sex drive. Try to spend time with your wife, minus the baby at least once a week. Rekindle the flame.

I could imagine a lot of it is due to her body being very different to what it was like before. Have you both tried dieting and / or regular exercise? Do it toghether so you can bond over it. Oh, and also get her to read 50 Shades of Grey.

This might happen because of the hormones but also can be a psychological problem. Talk to her, ask her why she feels like that, ask her for honesty no matter what.

Best wishes!

Hi, Dear friend don't get upset, try to find the problem first and the source of problem, whether it is you or her, and then in my opinion do some treatment if the problem is based on medical science, and if it is virtually, then plan a trip and spent some quality time, and try to figure out whats going on, and solve it, and be patience, it is a very crucial matter when it come to genuine relationship.

I assure you that, you can get your past life back, in which you have full satisfaction. Best Of Luck!

Losing interested in sex is a serious issue mostly when it involves you having an intimate relationship, a partner or married. This affects women as much as it affects men. My partner used to be in this same situation. Tried everything possible to arouse her urge for sex but all to no avail until I stumbled on fantastic way out.