His and Her Health

I may or may not be typical of most males in their mid 40's with kids. My wife has entered perimenopause\menopause early. We almost never have sex, mainly due to her low labido. I have given up even pushing forward, because I am tired of begging, and she puts so little into it the sex is hardly worth it. We both work and I know there are pressures on both of us that is affecting our relationship.

What is weird though is my wife has appeared to have had a couple sexual dreams in the last month. She has woken me up with her breathing and noises. Of course I can't be certain but it sure seems that way.

I am confused as to why a menopausal woman with no desire for sex would have sexual dreams. I am not sure if it is just her being menopausal or if something more is going on although I don't know what. My plan is to talk her into going to see a therapist with me. I guess my immediate questions are:
1. Can and do menoapausal women have "wet dreams"?
2. Does it mean anything that she is having these dreams while telling me she has no interest in sex.
3. Are most men with menopausal wives receiving little to no sex, so that my only option is masturbation or cheating (which is something I don't want to do)
4.Does it ever get better again or is my marriage just going down hill?
5. Besides a therapist are there any other ideas that seem to help?

Thanks.

It might help you understand what your wife is going through if you click onto our other sites. They have information about menopausal problems. www.redhotmamas.org and also www.bermansexualhealth.com .We also have a menopause forum where you can read posts on the bulletin board of others with menopausal problems
and how they are dealing with it.

I think your plan sounds great. There could be a host of reasons why she has no desire from medical, psychological, past abuse, just plain tired and worn out and no energy too!

I think she is lucky to have a husband who wants her and desires her, and that wants to work on things with a T...not too common for men to open up like that!


Good luck to you:) VR

Thanks for your input. This kind of thing involves both partners and I think it is important to figure out.

Yes, she is lucky to have a man like you who is interested in opening up and doing something about it. But you need some luck too -- namely, her willingness to do something about it. Otherwise, it's like pushing a chain.

That is, she may not want it, but she has to at least want to want it.

I agree. You sound like a very caring and loving man. For me, my best sexual experience started after menopause and got even better after the children grew up. I can remember feeling the way your wife appears to be feeling - just beat, physically and emotionally. However, with love and understanding, she will know how much you care. I am a strong believer in therapy, and even better if you go together. There is one book out there that has really helped us called
Hot Monogamy by Love and Robinson. There are other practical books. Go to the bookstore and look. Most of all, find ways to tell your wife you love her - flowers, a "date night," small gifts. Please keep trying. Those dreams may be wishes in disguise!

inthubby, don't worry, you're not the only one. The Red Hot Mamas conducted a recent survey about how menopause affects the sex lives of couples across the nation. In the survey, over half of the menopausal women surveyed said that their menopausal symptoms disrupt their sex life. You may be interested in checking out the results...
http://www.redhotmamas.org/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=149&Itemid=103