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TOPIC: Men slow down after 50?

7 years, 3 months ago #27429
  • patient

Men slow down after 50?

How much does the average man slow down after 50? I thought I was somewhat normal, or maybe a little on the high drive side. But I wonder after reading a passage about men in their 50's in a 1974 book by Kaplan "The New Sex Therapy", page 107. It says, "Men between 50 and 60 are usually satisfied with one or possibly two orgasms per week." Furthermore, many normal men in this age group "cannot redevelop penile erection for a matter of 12 to 24 hours after ejaculation."

If this is really true, then I'm a sex maniac way above the norm. I didn't think it was that unusual for a man in his mid-fifties to want sex once a day, and enjoying it many times on a Saturday when there was time. Am I really way off?
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7 years, 3 months ago #27430
  • eva_m

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Patient, some of this may be your nature. Averages are just that - there is still a lot of variation. But I'm convinced that at least part of it is that you're not getting any real sex. I've found that to be the case for me as well. There were times when my husband was not there for me, or very rarely. During those times, I'd be a sex-maniac too - masturbating daily, sometimes multiple times a day and find it difficult to think of anything else. But during times when my husband's libido is stronger and he's into it, every other day is plenty and I feel satisfied inbetween times (more often is not unwelcome, but I don't actively seek it out). At first I was confused by this, but I've come to believe that even though the orgasms might be just as intense, masturbation is not as satifying as sex. It feeds desire rather than easing it.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27431
  • patient

Re: Men slow down after 50?

eva_m, I think you got it exactly. There is something very fulfilling about closeness and sharing of physical passion. My wife doesn't understand that. She thinks that I shouldn't need to bother her so much about sex if I would just masturbate more. I kind of envy those guys who seem to prefer porn to their wives, but porn just doesn't do it for me.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27432
  • shirlr

Re: Men slow down after 50?

patient, I agree with eva. I think your high drive is due to years of having frustrating and one-sided sex. I can't imagine how you two have managed to stay together all this time. I was thinking about your situation the other day and it occured to me that if I had never had an orgasm, or any interest in having one, I really think my husband would have stopped having sex with me and our marriage would probably have ended long ago. As I've posted here, I struggle with reaching orgasm due to cancer treatment and we both work really hard at making it happen for me. Sex just wouldn't happen otherwise.

To answer your original question, my husband is 55 and his sex drive has slowed down over the years. Once or twice a week is plenty for him. If we're on vacation and are relaxed and have more free time, then it's different. For myself, I find sex much more enjoyable if we don't do it too often. I have an easier time reaching orgasm, having multiples, and getting aroused if we have a few days between sessions. Since mutual enjoyment is so important to us, that seems to work for us.

By the way, we're celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary on this New Year's Eve by getting married again in a small ceremony. I even have a white dress!
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7 years, 3 months ago #27433

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Shirlr. Happy New Year and Congratulations on your 30th Anniversary
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7 years, 3 months ago #27434
  • 1313581716

Re: Men slow down after 50?

A man's sex drive will slow down tremendously as he ages unless his wife takes over and keeps him stimulated. Turn into his hot Mama. It is the secret of the sexual happiness of aging. We now have full sexual encounters only 3 or 4 times weekly. He only ejaculates maybe twice and saves himself for strong erections later. His choice. He stimulates me daily. Oral or manual. He will be 71 in three months. Take care.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27435
  • patient

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Originally posted by shirlr:
[QB]I was thinking about your situation the other day and it occured to me that if I had never had an orgasm, or any interest in having one, I really think my husband would have stopped having sex with me and our marriage would probably have ended long ago.
If your husband had never experienced a woman having an orgasm, he might not have known what he would have been missing. In fact, for quite a while, I thought it was pretty much normal for a woman to not be sexually passionate. I thought women in general were interested only in closeness, like brother or sister, while only "putting up with" sex to please the husband. I realized women could have orgasms under ideal laboratory conditions, but I was under the vague impression that in reality, women did not have orgasms on a regular basis in real life. My false impression seemed to be confirmed by the late night comedian jokes about women's headaches. I remember one Jay Leno joke in particular, which described how a woman wanted to know if it was possible to save sperm from her husband who had just died. Leno joked how women don't want the sperm when the guy is alive, but when he's dead, that's when they want it. The premise for these jokes always fit my personal experience perfectly. And so I figured, why would I leave my wife over a situation which most married men are experiencing anyway?

As I've posted here, I struggle with reaching orgasm due to cancer treatment and we both work really hard at making it happen for me. Sex just wouldn't happen otherwise.
You sound wonderful -- what more could your husband expect?! I wish I could change my wife's attitude about trying. As it is, she just doesn't even want to deal with, or at least discuss it with me.

By the way, we're celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary on this New Year's Eve by getting married again in a small ceremony. I even have a white dress!
Not bad!
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7 years, 3 months ago #27436
  • patient

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Originally posted by if I only would have known:
A man's sex drive will slow down tremendously as he ages unless his wife takes over and keeps him stimulated.
In that case, I must be doing well because my wife doesn't want me to be interested in sex and I still haven't slowed down by my mid fifties. But maybe it won't last unless I change my situation? The negative feedback has got to take a negative toll at some point.

He will be 71 in three months. Take care.
Very cool!
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7 years, 3 months ago #27437
  • eva_m

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Patient, I really suspect that if you change your situation and find a partner who loves sex, you won't slow down for a LONG time. You have a lot of catching up to do.

Shirlr, congrats on the anniversary! Did you get the card I sent you?

And IIOWHK, long time no see! Glad to hear you are still at it.

Eva
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7 years, 3 months ago #27438
  • 1313581716

Re: Men slow down after 50?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by patient:
[In that case, I must be doing well because my wife doesn't want me to be interested in sex and I still haven't slowed down by my mid fifties. But maybe it won't last unless I change my situation? The negative feedback has got to take a negative toll at some point. [QUOTE]

You have such a wonderful mindset that I doubt if anything can slow you down. You are truly fantastic. And might I add lucky. What that poor woman is missing!!!!Take care.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27439
  • shirlr

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Eva - thanks so much, I didn't get the card but it was very sweet of you! The ceremony was wonderful - even better than I expected. Every bit as special as our first wedding. My daughters were bridesmaids. How cute is that? My husband and I agreed we're looking forward to starting our next 30 years together.

Caroline - good to see you back! I was wondering how you are.

Patient - this weekend I actually asked my husband if he could have continued to have sex with me if I had never had an orgasm or showed any interest in having one. I asked him if he could have had sex with me all these years knowing I wasn't enjoying it. He thought about it a few seconds and said "it would be really hard - I don't think I could do it". Just another man's perspective.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27440
  • eva_m

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Shirlr, I'm glad your ceremony worked out so well! What a happy occasion!

I'm curious about what your husband said. What would he have done? Would he have given up sex? Do you think you would have parted ways? It really puts couples in a bind if the husbands can't make love to the wives if the wives can't have orgasms. What are they supposed to do?

I tried to imagine the reverse situation too - suppose my husband became permanently unable to enjoy sex (heaven forbid!) could I go on asking him to "do me" from time to time? It would be really hard. I'd feel like having orgasms in his presence would be sort of like shoving it in his face that he can't have that kind of fun. I don't know what I'd do!
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7 years, 3 months ago #27441
  • shirlr

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Exactly. That's pretty much what my husband said. He said it would be very hard to have sex with someone who wasn't enjoying it and he couldn't continue to have sex just for his own enjoyment. We are both of the same mind about this, our own enjoyment is closely linked to each other's. An example of this is that since I've had problems I need to schedule sex for when I'm rested and ready. So, he has stopped initiating sex, he waits for me to give him the signal. It just isn't something we want to do if both of us aren't into it. If I can't have an orgasm, he's disappointed too and it ruins the whole thing for both of us. However, I've been known to give him a quick "favor" sometimes just for fun. I tell him he can pay me back later.

That's one of the main reasons I believe couples should be sure they are sexually compatible before they marry. Even if problems arise later due to health or other problems, they will be easier to overcome if there was a mutually happy sex life at the beginning. If it never happened at all, that's another story.
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7 years, 3 months ago #27442
  • shirlr

Re: Men slow down after 50?

Just thought of something else. We have some dear friends who are in their late 60's and have been together for over 20 years. Due to a serious heart condition and the meds required for it, he can't have sex at all. They have decided to discontine having sex, even for her benefit. I think she masturbates, but that's it. They are madly in love and very happy. This is a couple who were wildly sexual until health problems derailed things. I know they miss sex, but their relationship has not only survived, it's thrived for many years.

I really think it goes back to what happened at the beginning of the relationship. It's much easier to accept this situation if you know it's due to natural causes and not your partner's fault.
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